Headlines from the Year 2020 (no. 6)

This is the sixth installment in a continuing series. Here is what life will be like in the year 2020 if our civilization continues to go AWOL:

• Rhode Island converted into wind farm; new electricity generated is expected to serve all of Cape Cod
• Secretary of Defense Ayers: the Air Force will nuke an American city to show Iran we’re serious about peace
• Wyoming man gets 10 years hard labor for opening a business that competes with government services
• Former President Obama asked to reside permanently in new wing of White House; accepts offer of becoming the nation’s éminence brune
• 14,000 Christian preachers and orthodox rabbis convicted this year of racism; Secretary of the Interior demands funding for new prisons
• Former President Bush to stand trial for “ruining everything” and “being a real meanie”
• Alabama disappears; FBI investigating
• France appeals to Israel for help in destroying Hizbollah stronghold in Provence
• Community Organizer most lucrative profession for six years running
• Seattle mom who killed her three children exonerated; court praises her “carbon awareness”
• Eight year-old boy who chose white male teammates for playground game arrested for violating the Children’s Civil Rights Act of 2016
• Coast Guard sinks Rush Limbaugh’s broadcasting ship off coast of Alaska
• National Endowment for the Arts awards first prize for sculpture to scroll of U.S. Constitution in bucket of urine
• Right-wing student extradited to Saudi Arabia for putting Koran in bucket of urine
• Scientists agree that new ice age has begun; Al Gore blames Mormon cloud seeding
• Male gorilla to serve on PETA board of directors; feminist gorillas resign in protest
• President Reid defends $50 trillion stimulus package; “with inflation at 300 percent, we cannot sit by and do nothing”

Would you care to add your own headlines?

[Note: To see earlier installments of “Headlines from the Year 2020," click the All Fiction link on the sidebar.]