Headlines from the Year 2020 (no. 2)
This is the second installment in a continuing series. Here is what life will be like in the year 2020 if our civilization continues to go AWOL:
- Disgruntled militants blow up Philadelphia; Pres. Pelosi: “We must end poverty”
- ACLU sues polar bears for racial discrimination, demands reparations for brown bears
- McDonalds sued for serving water after man dies from hydrogen intolerance
- Last ethnic Swede flees Stockholm; city renamed to Whoops-Allah
- Congress passes excess consumption tax on residences over 500 square feet
- Third blizzard of the year in Texas; Al Gore: Christian plot to discredit global warming
- Rash of deaths in Middle East caused by congenital seething
- Martian High Council insists they are not represented by Green Party
- Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals to hear canine date-rape case, Fifi v. Fido
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September 20th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Havent you forgotten that Jesus has finally returned and that all the true believers have gone into “rapture” and that the unbelievers such as me have been given their just deserts.
And of course that Armageddon has finally occurred in the Middle East.
And strangely enough that the “reign” of Christ has begun amongst the total ruins of civilization consequent to Armageddon.
Or perhaps that should be world wide nuclear rain as in Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain Is Going to Fall”
September 20th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
“Apple’s high tech barbeque sells out on launch despite several reported firmware issues”
September 20th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
- Peta,the animal rights group, are protesting the inhumane treatment of mosquitoes. A fine will be given to anyone observed swatting the poor creature,thus removing its only opportunity to feed.
- The Women’s Football League announced this morning that they are considering allowing men in their games in the near future. However,Dr.Schmokolovsky warned the public that it would be a great mistake.Men are not equipped to receive great blows to their meager frames,particularly if they are trying to conceive.
September 21st, 2007 at 8:19 am
-Diagnosed: Jimmy Carter has Peanut Allergy
-Man Marries 7th Goldfish: Scoffs at Slippery Slope Arguments
-Sales of Male Enhancement Products Surpass that of Weight Loss Medications
-McDonalds Convicted of Attempted Genocide
-French Regiment Surrenders to School Children Playing ‘Jihadists & Infidels’
-Candidate Benito Juarez IV Announces Plans to Move Capital from D.C. to Mexico City. Leads in Polls
-Muslims Riot in Middle East
September 21st, 2007 at 8:42 am
Oops! Forgot one.
-United Nations Elects Kim Jong-Il as New Secretary General. Beats Hugo Chavez in Runoff
September 29th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
–Scientists Say Frigid Winter of 2019 is Evidence of Man-Made Global Warming
–Polar Bear Population Explosion Puzzles Scientists
–Appeals Run Out for Man Convicted of Denying Global Warning