Time Travel, episode 11: “El Presidente”
[Note: Below is the eleventh episode of the Time Travel series. For background information, read this post. For past episodes, click the "Time Travel" link in the sidebar. Enjoy...]
I arrived at the White House just before the appointed hour. When I presented myself at the reception desk, a security guard handed me a note from Robert Gibbs, who was supposed to greet me and escort me to the time machine. Here is what he wrote:
Sorry I can’t be there today, something important came up. You know how it is around here, always a crisis. Have to go deal with the press corps. They’re morons, but at least they’re progressive, and understand the mission of this administration. Anyway, today you’ll be traveling to Cuba, in the year 1959. You’ll see the new cabinet in its first session, just after the end of the revolution. Your mission: Bring back evidence that the Castro regime began its life as a democracy. We have to show the American people that they’ve been duped by the Republicans, who made Cuba into a convenient enemy and scapegoat, claiming that the government was an oppressive dictatorship. Good luck. Robert Gibbs.
The security guard accompanied me to the time machine. All the instruments were pre-set. I started it up, and in short order found myself in Havana in February 1959, inside the chambers of the new government.
Just as I stepped out of the machine, Castro rose from his seat at the head of a long conference table. He was larger than life. Military fatigues, fat cigar, and an ample, flowing beard—the portrait of a charismatic Third World leader. The presence of the man was stunning. He commanded effortlessly; he was in control without uttering a word.
Following is the remarkable discussion that I witnessed, translated into English.
“Fellow democrats,” said Castro, surveying the room with his eagle eyes. “The great moment has arrived. The enemy is defeated, and we are the sole, undisputed rulers of Cuba.”
Those assembled around the table burst into a vigorous round of applause.
He went on. “First, let us consider the realm of diplomacy. Our special envoy in Washington was rebuffed. The Americans are not interested in new democracies so close to their borders.”
“But that’s impossible!” blurted a young man. “We showed them our proposed constitution, modeled article by article on theirs.”
The great leader laughed. “You have much to learn, my boy. Don’t you know that America is a fascist state, ruled by Republicans? Their constitution was written with a single purpose in mind: To protect the old aristocracy from challenges to its power. Eisenhower knows all too well that our intent is to provide liberty, the rule of law, and free enterprise to our people. He will never accept our bold attempt to establish a liberal, democratic state.”
The young man was shaking his head in disbelief, evidently quite disturbed by the news.
“Now let us turn to the matter of civil rights. The old days of oppression are over. Women now have equal status with men. Let us hear from our new minister for gender and sexual equality, Ms. Gutierrez.”
At the other end of the table, Ms. Gutierrez stood up. I had not realized that a woman was present. She looked like a man, with short hair and rough, masculine features, and of course dressed in fatigues.
“Thank you, El Presidente,” she said, her gruff voice matching her appearance. “My committee would be honored if you could address next week’s Gay Pride rally in downtown Havana.”
“The honor would be all mine,” said Castro, bowing as he spoke.
“Excellent,” replied the minister. “And we would like to formally thank this entire cabinet for its declaration mandating 50% female participation on all government bodies, corporate boards of directors, and military command structures.”
A round of applause was heard. When it subsided, an older man with a gray beard raised his hand.
“Yes, Eduardo,” said Castro.
“El Presidente, why must we continue to wear army clothes, now that the revolution is over?”
“A good question,” said Castro, puffing on his cigar. “We must wear our uniforms in order to appeal to the intelligentsia in the West. They are fascinated by the image of the poor, oppressed freedom fighter. If we come out of the closet, as it were, and show our true colors of democracy and human rights, we would be condemned as a reactionary tool of the United States.”
“El Presidente, that is brilliant!”
“Actually, it is quite simple,” replied Castro, with a broad smile. “You don’t want us to end up like Israel, do you?”
Don’t be fooled by this staged display of poverty, designed to impress Western intellectuals:
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